I 40 female am significantly older than my sister 25 as such after she was born my parents repeatedly looked over and parentified me in favor of her examples include giving her my old clothes and toys without my permission rather than preserving them as a Keepsake of my childhood in short my inner child has had a lot of healing to do over the years I’m in low contact with my parents and sister but apparently she’s engaged and wants me to be a part of the wedding party now I’m not comfortable around children of any age it’s part of my
trauma being around them for me comes with a sense of responsibility that reminds me of the neglect I suffered at the hands of my family my sister knows this so I assumed that with her asking me to be in the wedding the wedding would be childfree during a discussion she mentioned that her fiance’s best friend’s daughter would serve as a flower girl and our cousin’s son would be the ring bearer I reminded her that I would not be comfortable around children and express my disappointment that she would invite me to be in a wedding that’s not
childfree she looked sad for a second and told me that there were many young children and families that were close to her and her fiance and the day would feel incomplete without them if I wasn’t comfortable around children to that extent she would understand if I couldn’t attend I was shocked knock that she would uninvite me in favor of some random kids and it reminded me of being thrown aside in favor of her when we were young so I left to collect myself I attempted to ask my parents to talk some sense into her but surprise surprise
they took her side at this point I was profoundly hurt and needed an outlet so I did something that might make me an idiot I’m friends with some of the family members on Facebook and I made post about how my sister was kicking me out of the wedding and that my parents were taking her side all because of the trauma that they contributed to themselves I didn’t go into detail because I didn’t think it was anyone else’s business I just wanted to vent now people are refusing to go to my sister’s wedding unless I’m reinstated
as part of the wedding she and my parents are begging me to come but still refusing to budge on the children being there so it doesn’t make much difference I feel bad because I didn’t know that our family would refuse to come but I cannot go to an event with many children running around and retract my statement because I don’t want the family to think I lied am I the idiot for refusing to go edit I am in therapy my therapist is incredible and helped me realize how heavily my past has affected me I have yet to discuss my Facebook post with her
but we’ll see what she says also I was once left alone with my sister for 2 days and one night after my grandfather died when my parents had to leave the state I wanted to be with my grandmother and family too but my sister who was nine then and easily could have stayed with a friend or something obviously just had to come first you are the idiot your parents giving your hand-me-downs to your sister is not parentification it’s economics you didn’t lose your childhood because your sister wore your old sweatshirt or
played in your old play pen or that you were asked to babysit once during a family emergency one could easily turn things around and your sister could complain that she was treated worse because while her older sister got all her things new she had to make do with 15-year-old leftovers Jesus lady your sister didn’t uninvite you she accepted that you declined the invitation because apparently being within 100 ft of anyone under 18 gives you hives blasting her all over social media and deliberately omitting details so she would look like
the villain is the true cherry on the cake absolutely this op reeks of manipulation and entitlement clearly didn’t cope well with not being an only child anymore I’d love some examples of parentification too at this rate she was probably paid to babysit I was emotionally exhausted just reading this story I can’t imagine how worn out her family feels also I’m sitting here yet again reflecting on how easy it is to manipulate therapists to validate bad behavior op is such a how to put it interesting view of how her parents
harmed her that I almost wonder if she has the opposite interpretation of what the therapist says darling you have an issue about making everything about you don’t you I would be willing to Guess that you’re trauma wasn’t about being parentified but about no longer being the baby of the family you’re not traumatized everything you experienced was a normal part of being a family you’re just a person who takes every excuse to be miserable your whole story reeks of jealousy I 29 male and my wife 30 have been together for 7 years and married
for four last year she came up with the idea of an open relationship to try out new things I said it’s not something comfortable for me and would like to stay monogamous it felt weird because it came out of nowhere we were doing well in planning to build a family together after my reply she insisted a lot in the end I decided to give it a try here are the boundaries she said you should always prioritize the spouse instead of the other partner always use protection do not bring the partner to the shared house do not form overly emotional
connections I told her I wasn’t sure if I could do some of these things I’m an emotional person though I love the physical part too she said it’s okay I will be able to do it and it’s hard for men to form emotional relationships in such cases anyway she found a partner quickly and easily my wife was my first relationship partner so I wasn’t confident in myself I didn’t have great choices when when I was in my 20s eventually after clearing out most of my work I decided to try finding a partner in my spare time surprisingly I was
flocked with interest from younger women and women around my age I knew maturing and aging did a great job for me but not to this extent I started talking to multiple people but decided to go ahead with only one of them when I shared this information with my wife she seemed surprised but Cong congratulated me she said she was shocked at how beautiful this woman was and I was able to get her it has been 10 months since I found a partner but the more I got to know them and spent time with them the more we formed an emotional connection this
woman is aware of my situation and respects my boundaries I realized I lost my emotional and physical connection with my wife over time I know one of the boundaries was about emotional connections and priori izing the spouse but I told her I wasn’t sure if I could comply with some of these I had a difficult talk with my wife last week about my situation she immediately offered to close the relationship and go to coup’s counseling but I’m not interested to be honest she feels no different than a friend to me I’m afraid
I built resentment for her due to the open relationship situation I told her it would just extend the misery for me and I’d like to have a divorce she flipped and cried saying I was throwing everything away just for a fling am I the idiot here not the idiot a story as old as time she dug her own grave here Auntie already had someone in mind which is why she pushed for it you didn’t throw everything away for a fling that sounds like a projection on your wife’s behalf who seemed to have someone lined up very quickly yep and just how much
you want to bet that the partner she found quickly was lined up already given that she suggested this new Arrangement out of nowhere and then conveniently insisted a lot until he gave in 100% that other dude was already around in some way she was already having an affair with the other person and did this to make herself feel less guilty that’s what I took from it too the wife was both surprised that op found someone and then surprised again at how beautiful the woman was she liked the convenience of the marriage and maybe
her own fling isn’t going as well dude your wife took a huge risk opening up the marriage and you were honest with her about your emotional connection personality in my opinion she’s facing the consequences of her actions better off without her good luck with your future I 25 female have been married to my husband for 2 years we recently got our first home and are officially homeowners so a few weeks ago we decided to throw a big party with family and friends we did have a bunch of alcoholic drinks and mixed drinks but I had them
separated because my sister-in-law is pregnant my sister-in-law had four losses in the past it’s heart-wrenching and I feel horrible for her I’ve always been supportive she has a form of PCOS anyway at the party I had told sister-in-law that the non-alcoholic drinks were in the indoor fridge and to feel free to make herself virgin drinks if she liked I had mixed drinks on the table outside and then the outside cooler long story short my sister-in-law ended up getting trashed and a week later lost her pregnancy she’s been
blaming my husband and I since early January for this sending us hateful messages spamming my phone saying one of us must have mixed up the drinks which didn’t happen when it first occurred I told her I was so sorry but it wasn’t our fault we had another guest drinking and I had made her aware of where the other drinks were 2 days ago she tried pulling that stuff again when we ran into her while at my mother-in-laws and again she said it and followed me through the house arguing with me I finally blew up and said
you’re the stupid one for a not listening when I told you where the non-alcoholic drinks are B for continuing to drink because she had to have realized she was getting intoxicated and C this isn’t our fault because you’re already prone to a loss due to your conditions she broke down in tears crying and wailing saying I wasn’t sensitive I was a horrible person my mother-in-law asked us to leave my husband and I feel bad for her situation of course but she’s been harassing us for weeks sister-in-law texted me off
brother-in-law’s number because we blocked her saying how she couldn’t believe I was calling her stupid when her Misfortune happened due to my party how I needed to apologize and how I’ve never been pregnant so I’ll never understand and how alcohol feels different during pregnancy how I was uneducated mother-in-law is backing her up am I the idiot not the idiot your sister-in-law is unhappy and sensitive about her loss I understand why she’s feeling sad Moody and possibly depressed but that doesn’t give her the right to
go crazy on you it sounds like you bent over backward to help you kept separate drinks for her you apologized you apologized again and she just wouldn’t let up it’s perfectly reasonable for you to snap back when somebody keeps picking picking and picking with no justification I’m sorry but this is tickling my conspiracy bone are you sure she was actually pregnant I’ve known a lot of people who’ve struggled with fertility issues and if they were 3 months pregnant and prone to a loss they would have read the label five times and
probably played it safe by just drinking water I do not drink any alcohol and I’ve never once ended up accidentally intoxicated it’s pretty evident on the first sip or two if a drink is something other than what I intended presuming brother-in-law and mother-in-law were at the party why did neither of them notice she was getting tipsy and cut her off I don’t see how as a host you’re somehow responsible for other people’s actions or failure to act here’s a slight twist to your theory she probably lost her pregnancy before
the party drank away her sorrows and now for some reason has made it her mission to take out her anger on op to have some excuse for an out let for all the pain she’s feeling at 3 months pregnant it would be odd for her not to notice how different drinks taste I know not all pregnancies are the same for me and the women I have in my life we became more aware of our taste buds during pregnancy like the pregnancy nose is wild I could smell my husband’s deodorant before he entered the room I 48 female met my husband 8 years
ago and his daughter’s age 19 and young teen 6 years ago my husband divorced their mother 13 years ago my husband has told me the whole story about the divorce and while I won’t go into detail as it’s a long story it wasn’t amicable and really drove a wedge between him and his daughters particularly his oldest the other main thing that has gotten between my husband and his older daughter is that she’s on the Spectrum and has very little social awareness pretty much every time I see her either I or someone else must get on her about
time and place as she tends to talk about things that aren’t appropriate when it happens she brings up the divorce the most she gets a kick out of telling family members and Friends stories about her father in which He’s the bad guy while these are true stories a lot of what she tells people is exaggerated I’ve asked her several times not to discuss her childhood or the divorce during family events as I don’t want her extended family and friends to view my husband in a negative light a few weeks ago during a back to school
party after winter break I overheard her telling her stepfather a story about a time where her dad was intoxicated I stopped her and said that we had been over this and at this point I felt like she was doing it on purpose she started to make all kinds of excuses such as her stepfather asked her about it and her not making it up and I told her it didn’t matter and that she shouldn’t be talking about it regardless she walked away from me which she tends to do during confrontation and her mother came up to me about 10 minutes
later and laid in to me for yelling at her daughter she told me she agreed about the lack of awareness and time and place but then I needed to let her handle it because she’s her mother and I barely know her which is false my husband has visitation and has the entire time I’ve known them I don’t know if I was wrong I’ve talked to her about it so many times and so I feel like it was at least partially warranted but I’m curious what others think am I the idiot you are the idiot your stepdaughter is an adult and was never your child she
has every right to talk about her own childhood and upbringing and is under no obligation to bottle that up to keep you comfortable or save face with the family how you speak about her being on the Spectrum drives the point home you married a divorced man with kids you don’t get to decide their story yikes because of your she tends to walk away from me during the confrontation you do not have the right to a captive audience for your lectures just because you’re upset at the situation it sounds like you make a habit of confronting her like
this especially over this and she’s realized the best way to avoid that is just to walk away from you smart woman her not you obviously imagine marrying into a family and then telling a 19-year-old to not talk about their childhood to their own family far from protecting her husband’s image it makes me want to know more details about how bad her childhood was I’d love to hear from this young woman for hours and hours and like The Stepfather ask questions what is op trying to hide I think op was the mistress my sister is a single mom to a tween
Joelle my wife son preschooler and I are staying with her temporarily while we get some repairs done in our house after a flood we’ve seen their daily routine over the past few days and it’s a bit ridiculous my sister gets up at 6:00 every morning cleans joelle’s room lays out her school uniform makes her lunch packs her backpack wakes Joelle up then makes her her breakfast while Joelle takes a shower and gets dressed she walks Joelle to school then gets back and starts working a snack awaits Joelle when they get home and Joelle does her
homework at the table next to my sister while she works Joel plays while my sister Cooks they eat together Joelle plays again while my sister cleans then my sister gets Joelle ready for bed and then my sister gets the rest of the chores done I told her that spoiling Joelle like this isn’t helping anyone it’s crazy that Joelle doesn’t clean her room do her laundry or even pack her backpack my preschooler gets himself ready for daycare with less parent involvement than Joelle needs daily my sister got defensive and is acting like we’re bad
parents for not doing this with my son now she says this isn’t working and wants us to get into a hotel by the end of the week my wife thinks I should have kept my mouth shut but this girl will be going to middle school next year and can’t pack her backpack am I the idiot for telling my sister she shouldn’t be spoiling her kid like this OMG she feeds her child how dare she make her kid a snack you are the idiot you are a guest in your sister’s home and go and criticize her parenting your complaints are BS are you upset the kid is playing
while her mom cooks what do you want her to do cook her own dinner complaining that she does her homework next to her mom she’s a young tween you want the kid to do her own laundry I feared to find out how you treat your own son I disagree at her age it’s totally age appropriate to help cook dinner or even cook a simple dinner by herself and do laundry my aunt is precisely like op’s sister raising her daughter exactly like how op sister is too today at age 16 my cousin my aunt’s daughter is an extremely sheltered entitled little brat
a baby always a victim young woman we often told my aunt that her parenting style was not good for her daughter in the long run she didn’t and doesn’t listen op isn’t wrong in thinking what his sister’s doing is wrong in the long run but he says it when he’s her guest that’s not cool guessed or not you just need to mind your own business you don’t have a say in how your sibling raises their children period not your child not your business repeat after me in case you don’t understand it doesn’t matter whether op has a point or not the real
issue is that it’s none of his business or place to make comments shut up and stay in your lane [Music]
