My brothers received luxurious gifts and I was given body soap for our birthdays…

 

My siblings received luxurious gifts, and I received body wash for our birthdays. But now I’m moving house, and everything is falling apart. I’m 25 years old, a woman, living with my parents, and have two siblings, Josef and Catrina. As the oldest, I was the first to start working.

 For a long time, it was just my father and me working to support the family. My mother was either sick or too tired to work. Over the years, I’ve noticed that her illness is self-induced. She prefers to spend all day sitting on the couch watching TV and stuffing herself with food instead of working. I stopped trying to get her to start working a long time ago.

 My brother and sister started working shortly after finishing school. Unfortunately, they couldn’t keep their jobs for long. My brother was a thief, and my sister blamed her mental health for not being able to do her job. The small financial relief we received when they started working didn’t last long.

 Eventually, I had to pick up extra shifts at work, knowing I wouldn’t have them. I worked really hard to get a better position at my company. Now I make more money than everyone else in my age group. Many people congratulate me on my success, but I feel like an imposter. When I look back, I haven’t really done anything for myself.

 Seventy percent of my salary goes toward household bills, and I only have 30% left. I can’t do much with that amount each month, other than cover my needs. On top of that, there’s always some extra expense at the end of the month that I have to cover. I work so much that I’m barely home, and when I am home, it’s hell. That’s the problem.

It’s exhausting, but at least I get paid for my job. At home, no one pays me to take care of the house. I have to clean, do laundry, wash dishes, and make sure there’s enough food in the house. My mother and sister barely do anything. My mother spends all day watching television, while my sister spends all day locked in her room.

 He only goes out to hang out with his friends and get into trouble. I can’t ask my dad or my brother for help because they believe in gender roles. You know, that’s the kind of family I come from. And even though I don’t agree with those ideas, I don’t have a choice. I’ve always believed I didn’t have a choice, since I was living in his house.

 Every time I’ve tried to speak out against them, my mother has told me to find my own place. She knows I can’t get my own place and still support the family. She also knows my heart is too soft to leave the family to fend for themselves. Or so she thinks. You know, all of this isn’t the reason I’m writing this post.

 It’s also not the reason I’m so frustrated. The reason I’m frustrated is that once again my parents have proven they love my siblings more than me. It was my birthday two days ago, and guess what, I got body soap as a gift. Damn body soap. You must be wondering why I sound so ungrateful for the gift.

 That’s because last month was Catrina’s birthday, and she had a big surprise party we couldn’t afford. I had to take on extra consulting work to help pay for it. This was after my father claimed he had the money to pay for the party, when I initially refused. After the party, he came to me with a sob story about how he had miscalculated.

 He also told me he’d borrowed from very dangerous people and was afraid they’d come and hurt us. Wanting to protect my family, I decided to pay for the party. I was extremely disappointed because they always do this. Whether it’s holidays or birthdays, they always put more care into my siblings’ gifts than mine.

 This year my brother received a new video game console as a gift, while my sister received a coupon for the most expensive Spam in our town, and I received body wash. After everything I’ve done for this family, all I deserve is body wash. I don’t know why, but this time I felt offended, and I am.

 Every time they did this, I found a way to move past it. I told myself they didn’t mean any harm. I told myself they loved and appreciated me. However, I think it’s time I stopped lying to myself. That body wash was the final straw. After receiving it, I exploded. I couldn’t control myself.

 I had a huge lump in my throat, and anger was overwhelming me. I asked them why I couldn’t have a big party like Catrina or Joseph. All I got was body wash, not even a decent cake. My dad was instantly upset and asked me why I was so ungrateful. Because I knew about his financial situation.

 At that point, I started laughing and asked him how he could say all that with a straight face. He was the one who went into debt just to make sure Katrina had a memorable birthday party and couldn’t spend more than 20 on mine. I was getting tired of how differently I was treated. At that point, I even had to ask him if I was adopted.

 That’s why they treated me like an outsider. I do my best at work. I come home and take care of everyone, and all I get is body wash. You must be kidding. My mom started crying at that point and said she hated it when I had these little outbursts. So, it’s okay for her to have emotions, but as soon as I dare to show mine, I’m inconsiderate to the family.

 That’s exactly what I understood from her comment. She has hundreds of different moods throughout the day, and we’re supposed to accept them, but if I get upset about something valid, they call me dramatic. Well, I decided to stop arguing and went to my room. When they tried to call me, I pretended to be asleep.

 The whole time I was sitting there, I was just thinking. I’ve been feeling very unhappy even though I keep myself busy all the time. When it’s time to sleep, I can’t. My thoughts revolve around how unhappy I am. Most people my age are buying their first car.

 Some are getting married or even buying houses. I see some of them in the company doing exactly that, and even though they earn less than me, I feel jealous. Despite being ahead in my career, I’m far behind in life. I have nothing of my own in this world and no purpose. The only purpose I have is to serve these ungrateful people.

 Now that I think about it, how could I have let them treat me like this? It’s been going on for so long that I didn’t even realize I was being used. My feelings on this matter have become very clear because of the incident with my birthday present. I realize now that I don’t want things to continue like this forever.

 You know what? Something has to change. I feel like I’m doing nothing with my life, and I want to know what I can do to change everything, to have a purpose of my own. Update one. I did it two months after my original post. I moved out. I can’t believe that just two months after my birthday incident, I finally moved out.

 My apartment is very small and barely has any stuff in it, but at least it’s mine. Want to know the first thing I did? As soon as I finished moving in, I relaxed in my bed for hours, without anyone calling me to resolve any minor issues. It was a strange feeling. I never knew that simply lying in bed could be so cathartic.

 You’re probably wondering how I managed to move, especially with such a controlling family. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. First, I followed your advice and started setting limits. I only paid the minimum expenses and saved the rest of my money. I also took on extra shifts at work and kept the money for myself.

 When my parents asked about the money, I told them they’d include it in my year-end bonus. It was difficult, but as soon as I had enough for the deposit, I said, “Bye, suckers.” And I went to the new apartment. Once I decided which apartment to rent, I told my parents I was moving. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation.

 They were incredibly upset and asked me if living with them was so bad. I told them it wasn’t about them, it was about me. I was at my peak and needed to be more independent. I couldn’t do that if I continued living with them. Besides, Mom had always told me to get my own place.

 Of course, my mother took offense to my comment and called it sarcastic. She claimed she only wanted the best for me, but I just made fun of everything she said. I knew I couldn’t win that fight, so I apologized and moved on. My decision to move was met with a lot of resistance from the family, but ultimately, they couldn’t do anything about it.

 I had already signed my lease and was ready to move out. In protest, none of them helped me pack. I had to ask some friends from work to help me. Janet and Lisa, two friends from different departments at my job, were the only ones who knew about my living situation.

 When I told them I was moving, they were so happy, they literally jumped for joy. When I asked for help with the move, they were more than willing to help. We finished moving everything a couple of days ago, and now I’m here in my almost empty apartment. I don’t have much, but at least I’m happy. I can’t wait to start living for myself. Update two.

 I’ve been living in my apartment for over a month now. It’s been a challenging month, but I’m happier than ever, or at least I was until a few hours ago. Let me quickly tell you what happened. Over the past month, I’ve been furnishing my apartment and even had a housewarming party. Plus, I’ve had my evenings free, so I’ve started hanging out with my friends and even meeting new people through them.

 It also feels like I finally have a social life after so long without one. Honestly, I feel like I’m finally living for myself. In addition to building a social life, I’ve been dating someone Lisa introduced me to. In the past, I never went out with anyone because I didn’t have the time. My family would always interrupt my plans with an emergency or something, but now that I live farther away, they can’t do that anymore.

 You’re probably wondering what my relationship with my family has been like over the past month. Well, honestly, none of them have messaged me in all this time. They’ve been eerily quiet, which has been disconcerting at times. I’ve thought about messaging them, but I held back.

 I feel like I’m always the one who breaks the ice and apologizes after our arguments. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be respected like any other family member. So I decided not to communicate. And for a while, I thought our relationship was over. That was until my mom called me this afternoon while I was at work.

 I was very surprised to see her name on the screen, but I answered. As soon as I answered, she asked, “Where’s the check?” At first, I was confused because I didn’t know which check she was talking about. She’d forgotten I didn’t live with them anymore. Come on, what was I thinking? Anyway, she asked me how I expected them to manage without my help.

 I reminded him that he has two children and is capable of helping with the bills. They’ve had a whole month to look for work. What have they been doing all this time? Then he asked me how I could be so insensitive to my siblings’ plight. So I asked him how I could have sympathy for a thief and a lazy girl.

 They ruined their own job opportunities; they couldn’t learn from me and persevere. I told my mom I wasn’t going to send them anything and that they had to make their own plan. Then I hung up. She called me several more times, but I didn’t answer. Later, my dad called and tried to reprimand me, but I hung up again. I couldn’t believe it when I did.

 I’ve never cut them off like this while they were talking before. But honestly, this past month has been so peaceful, and getting back in touch with them has made me realize how chaotic my life used to be. I don’t think I want to disturb my peace by bringing them back into my life. I wish they’d just kept quiet. They should have just cut me off and left me alone, because I was never really part of the family anyway.

It’s clear to me now that they only wanted me as long as I could provide. I lived an unsustainable lifestyle because I was always the support. But now that’s over. I’ve reached my limit. It’s time for me to focus on myself. This is long overdue. They’ve tried to make me feel guilty, but it’s not working.

 I think it’s because I’m finally immune to it. Update four. I really wanted to post an update sooner, since it’s been four months, but I decided to wait until everything was resolved. Now that I’m done with the trial, I can finally tell you everything. I think many of you will be happy to know that my family got what they deserved.

Starting with my brother, due to his previous shoplifting incident, the judge wasn’t lenient with him, as he’s a repeat offender, and he was sentenced to a year in prison. Unfortunately, this will go on his record, making it even more difficult for him to build a future for himself. But honestly, the way he’s been living his life, he already had little chance.

I hope jail time straightens him out and helps him get his priorities straight. I’ve seen people much younger than him with much more organized lives than his. As for my father, he had to pay a fine to the court and is now on probation. If he ever gets even a traffic ticket, it’s over.

 He needs to be extremely careful for a while, otherwise he’ll end up in prison. The judge and the city take these crimes very seriously, so they’ve both faced these consequences. Now, about my mother, her years of overeating and inactivity have finally caught up with her. She’s at serious risk for heart disease due to her unhealthy lifestyle.

 If she doesn’t make some drastic changes, doctors say she has less than two years left because of how quickly she’s endangering her health. Knowing her, she probably doesn’t care. She thinks she’ll live forever. I’ve tried to get her to eat healthier for years, but she never listened, and I eventually gave up.

 If high cholesterol doesn’t kill her, my sister probably will. Speaking of my sister, she’s been the talk of the town lately, and not for good reason. Since money has been tight and there’s no one to fund her lifestyle anymore, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Somehow, she got involved with the wrong crowd—girls rumored to be selling certain things on the street corner.

 It’s both illegal and extremely dangerous. About a week ago, I heard that she was arrested after being caught selling something suspicious. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up in a physically dangerous situation soon because of the path she’s taken. People have been asking me to talk to her, but she chose this life.

 Honestly, she probably thinks I’m stupid for having an honest job, no offense to anyone in that field. But I’ve seen what some of these girls go through. There’s no happy ending in sight for her, only substance abuse, more jail time, and dangerous situations. Since Catrina started down this path, my mother has collapsed several times from the stress, but Katrina still lives with our parents, so in a way, they’re enabling her behavior by letting her stay there.

Even though he’s making money, he’s clearly not using it responsibly or paying the bills. You’re probably wondering how I know all this. I learned about it through a reliable source. Apparently, my parents are now receiving food stamps, and my father’s work hours have been reduced.

 Since they spend most of their time at home with my mother and Catrina, I can only imagine the hunger they must be going through in that house right now. But that’s not all for them. In addition to this whole situation, they still have to pay for the damage they caused to my apartment. I’ve been able to recover the things they destroyed, but they still have to pay the money the judge ordered.

 I feel sorry for them, but not enough to step in and help. It is what it is. They made their decisions and now they have to live with the consequences. Update 5. I have an update on several things that have happened recently, and the truth is that my family continues to sink deeper and deeper into the problems that, as I often say, they have created themselves. They are the kind of people who like to dig themselves out of a hole.

 I don’t know if there’s any way back for them, but what I do know is that it’s not my responsibility to pull them out of the holes they’ve dug themselves, and which are getting deeper and deeper. For starters, my father, who had to pay for the damage he and my brother caused in my apartment. He simply didn’t.

 Many of the comments I received on my last update predicted this would happen, and they were right. The saddest thing is that this time he didn’t even make a single effort to show he was willing to comply with what the judge ordered. But of course, the judge was also right when he warned him that any infraction would be enough to send him back to jail with a sneeze.

 And I could have sent him to jail, and I did. It wasn’t a literal sneeze. But his failure to pay what he was ordered to pay earned him a visit to jail. I found out a few days ago that he’s serving time there. The irony of all this is that my father was the only one who, in theory, worked, so to speak, in that house.

Now that she’s behind bars, I have no idea how my mother is going to cope. Only the last time I spoke to someone close to the family, they told me there was barely any food in the house, and considering my mother’s health problems, that’s beyond worrying. But to be honest, I can’t feel anything but a cold distance toward all of this.

 For years, I was the one who kept that house afloat, and they exploited me emotionally and financially. Now they’re facing the consequences of their own irresponsibility. My mother, moreover, is alone in the house, not only because my father was imprisoned, but because my brother and sister are now behind bars as well. My brother had already been there for a while, as you may recall, but now my sister has joined him.

 If her venture, so to speak, ended exactly as expected, with her being arrested. Everyone saw it coming, except for her even more chaotic situation when she started using, in addition to selling, which left her even more vulnerable and with almost no judgment. An undercover cop. He was the one who caught her in the act.

 And that was the end of her attempt to maintain an unsustainable lifestyle. She’s now awaiting trial, but I honestly don’t think she’s going to get away with this. The worst part is that she can’t even afford a decent lawyer, so she’s in the hands of a public prosecutor. I don’t want to sound cruel, but I honestly don’t see much hope for her when it comes to my mother.

 I don’t know what will become of her life now. She lives in that house that was once filled with five people and is now completely alone with my father in prison. My sister awaiting trial and my brother already serving a sentence, the house has emptied, and the worst part is that she has absolutely no one to take care of her for years. She dedicated herself to doing nothing, depending on everyone to bring her money and food.

 And now, because of her health problems, she can barely leave the house. I don’t know how she’ll survive. I know they’re receiving OS vouchers, but that’s not enough to live on. In short, my family has completely fallen apart. The only thing I have left is my peace, and although it sounds harsh, I don’t regret leaving.

Update 6. I feel bad for being the bearer of bad news, but at least it’s not my bad news anymore, it’s my family’s. And although everything that’s happening is a kind of slow-motion tragedy, I can’t help but feel a certain relief at not being a direct part of this disaster. For starters, I finally got my money back.

 It wasn’t a simple process, and as expected, my father didn’t have the means to pay me. The only reason he finally did was because my mother had to take out a loan so he could get out of jail. The fact that my father was in prison for contempt of court complicated things even further, but in the end, after a lot of effort, she got the money.

 It wasn’t her own initiative, of course, but rather my mother’s desperation to get my father out of jail. But my father’s release is perhaps the only positive thing about this whole situation. During this entire time, my mother has been living with a relative while trying to resolve my father’s legal situation.

 She left home for a long time, and as expected, the house was left alone. Now, the neighborhood we live in was never the best, especially for leaving a house unattended. It seems to have been completely vandalized and ransacked. The most disturbing thing is that, according to what I’ve been told, there are people living there now, people who, from what I understand, could be my sister’s former clients.

 The fact that there are people squatting in the house is just the beginning of the problem. Even if my parents were able to evict them, which I doubt would be easy, I don’t know if what’s left could be considered a home. It pains me to imagine the state of the place I once called home, especially since I invested so much time and effort into maintaining it while I was still living there.

 But at the end of the day, it’s no longer my house, it’s not my name on it, and frankly, it’s not my problem to solve. That’s something my parents will have to deal with on their own. As for my siblings, they’re still serving time. There’s not much new development on that front. What surprises me most about all this is how quickly the situation deteriorated after I left.

 It’s as if my departure was the final nail in the coffin of a situation that was already rotten from within. M.