My parents think using their anniversary party to force me to pay their debts was a good idea, but a judge thinks taking their house is even better. My parents recently threw a big celebration for their 30th wedding anniversary, because they’d never had a big celebration in their lives.

 Their wedding, according to them, was a small get-together they organized. Maybe they’re exaggerating, maybe not. I thought it would be a normal celebration, with lots of fun and some alcohol. Well, I was wrong about the fun part. Alcohol is a different story. My mom and dad took the opportunity to insult and scold me in front of family and friends, perhaps because of the alcohol.

 They started talking, without anyone asking, about how happy they are to be blessed with two daughters, but how sad they are that the youngest has decided to be detached and cold toward them. They said my distance really bothered and hurt them, especially since my sister, Chelsea, has always been so close and loving to them.

 They said they wished their two daughters would love them because it hurts them that I treat them so coldly when, according to them, all they’ve done is love and care for me unconditionally. Listen, I was incredibly offended by that particular speech. It was long, melodramatic, and full of lies. I admit I’m very cold and detached toward them, but it’s for good reason.

 My detachment didn’t come out of nowhere, and my parents lied when they said they loved and cared for me unconditionally. If I’m honest, I can’t remember a single time in my life when I felt loved by them. Loved by other family members, of course. Loved by my parents, absolutely not. Call me dramatic or whatever, but that’s always how things have been. They love Chelsea.

 It’s not something I lose sleep over, but the lie wasn’t necessary. Besides, I thought my sister gave them the love I didn’t. That’s why they loved her so much and had nothing for me. Most of the time, they left me to my own devices, while my sister was spoiled beyond belief. If my sister were a balloon inflated with pampering, she would have burst by now, or failing that, she would have floated my parents’ house like in the movie.

 She got everything she wanted, and my parents even paid for her college twice because she dropped out the first time. They always maintained that I was a horrible daughter with an attitude, while my sister was the perfect little girl. Of course, whatever they say. Since I never made a real connection with my parents, I basically managed on my own with help from other people, whom I’m obviously not cool with.

 Now I have a job that my parents would consider good, or rather, my salary is. It wasn’t easy, and I struggled a lot, but I made it. My parents ignored me when I left home at 18 and only got back in touch when I got a job. They started complaining that they’d been struggling financially and that things at home were going badly because of all the loans they’d had to take out for us.

 I don’t know why they said it was for us when the biggest expense was for Chelsea. Surely 80% of the debt was because of her. Anyway, Chelsea did manage to get a decent job after her second round of college, but she quickly moved on and told our parents not to ask for financial help.

 She was a little less direct, but the gist of what she said was this: “I don’t give a damn that they’ve invested so much money in me, but I’m not going to give them any of my salary.” My parents and Chelsea actually rarely speak, or even see each other regularly, so my parents are struggling and are sad that none of their daughters really care about them anymore.

 That was the narrative they had. Yet at the party, they pretended Chelsea was their beautiful little girl, while I was a cold, rude daughter who didn’t care about her parents. For God’s sake, my sister practically gave them the biggest f***-up of their lives. Chelsea, of course, put on the loving daughter act in front of everyone.

 She didn’t deserve it, but I was going to make the most of it. She even got jealous when my parents tried to talk to me and get me excited about the celebration. However, in reality, she’s basically abandoned our parents. Since my parents didn’t even mention it and made up a few lies, I decided to correct their little speech and remind them what reality is like.

 Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was their age, but they were having some major blackouts about what it was all about, so I wanted to help them like the good daughter I am. My response to their ramblings was that they basically shouldn’t expect any returns from me when they’ve invested all their love, care, and attention in Chelsea. I also invested my money in a company called Banana, instead of Apple, and lost everything.

 That’s why it’s good to know that if you invest, you could lose everything. No, that company doesn’t exist, but I wanted to set a good example. It’s not my fault Chelsea practically abandoned them, and they should be more grateful because at least she didn’t steal from them or worse. I also said it’s ridiculous to expect me to have an emotional connection with them when they’ve always acted like a family of three around me.

 More things were said, but of course I can’t include everything in this post. My mother yelled at me because she thought I was being cruel, that she was only saying it to make me realize my mistake and be more present in my life. My father was basically crying because even though he never did it, which was another lie, seeing a daughter act like that had brought him to the brink of tears.

 My sister approached them and began hugging and holding them so people could see what kind of humble daughter she was, lovingly devoted to her parents. I’d already said what I had to say. I’d gone over my alcohol limit and wasn’t going to drink any more, so I left. It’s been more than 24 hours, and I thought my parents would have calmed down by now. No such luck.

 My parents and sister are now saturating my phone, telling me that the only way I have a chance of fixing this is if I start helping them financially. At the moment, I think they’re not that stupid and that they just did this as an ambush and then blackmailed me. But then I think they’re even dumber.

 Why can’t they just expect me to actually fall for that? Right? My parents want me to help them financially, that’s clear, but I’m also clear that my sister wants my parents to keep paying off her student loans, because otherwise she’d have to pay them off, like I did. My parents contributed a little, but it was really too little for the debt my sister incurred. Edit.

 Okay, I’ve been getting too many comments to follow up on, so I’m going to stop responding directly. I’m sorry to have to do this. I’m not trying to avoid your questions. I promise, I’m editing this just to include a few more details so I don’t have to go through them one by one.

 The most common question I get asked here is about student loans. We both took on debt to put ourselves through school. The difference in those debts is approximately 820%. My debt was lower because I chose to work while I was studying, but not only that, of that 20%, I paid off a large portion with my job. These percentages aren’t exact, but I don’t think they’re that far from the truth.

 Even if it was 75 and 25, it wouldn’t make it much better for my sister. Another big confusion is whether I paid for my parents’ party or not. I don’t know where they got the money, and to be honest, it doesn’t really bother me. My mistake was attending, I won’t deny that, but if I could have done things differently, I still would have attended.

 I think that gave me the opportunity to give my side of the story with them present. I know that if I hadn’t been there, that speech might have come out of my parents’ mouths. At least I had the chance to say a few things to their faces. Among those things, I asked if I was the daughter of infidelity, because I don’t understand why they hate me so much.

 Not that I believe it, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I never considered there was something strange about them loving my sister so much, and me too. And also that for the cheap alcohol they bought, it wasn’t worth it to be there. And mind you, I saw people among the guests snickering, because they must have thought the same thing. If they’d bought the good stuff, at least it would have been easier to let their nonsense slide.

 The headache the next day from the boxed wine was worse than all the party nonsense. I didn’t expect a $300 bottle, but if you buy by the gallon, I think it was better to buy gas and serve it with an umbrella in the glass. Update one. Before we begin, I’d like to share some information I left out because I didn’t expect it to be relevant.

 I’m slightly on the spectrum. Yes, I probably should have mentioned it, but there’s just too much stigma associated with my neurodivergence, so I don’t like to tell people openly. It’s not a big deal, so I thought they wouldn’t notice, but someone mentioned that I might have some condition, something that would make me less visible in my parents’ eyes, and everything clicked.

 In retrospect, I think it was the reason my parents were so hard on me and basically worshipped my sister as the perfect daughter. I admit I was a bit difficult to deal with as a child. I just wish my parents had taken me to the doctor instead of assuming I did certain things on purpose.

 I wasn’t a tantrum-throwing kid or anything. I was just a little slow to understand certain things. I think my first post, which didn’t quite see all of this clearly, is a testament to that. My parents only took me for an evaluation when I was 14, and even then I didn’t develop the comprehension skills they thought should come easily to everyone.

I was evaluated, but there was no follow-up. I certainly couldn’t take myself to a psychiatrist as a minor. I know this because I tried. Anyway, my parents gave up, and so did I. It became my normal, and I’d accepted it. I only snapped when they openly discredited me for being cold, not to mention making me act that way toward them. That was very low.

 Anyway, I let loose and said some really mean things. I usually shut down, but not that day. For some reason, maybe an alcohol-related reason, I don’t know. There’s also the reality that I’ve been working on this with a professional for a while since I could afford it, and now I have more tools to cope. That or alcohol.

 Either way, I think the important thing is that I did it, not that I was left without knowing what to do or say due to my lack of social skills. I just wanted to write this as a sort of update on my story because I realized it was necessary. Maybe now you’ll understand what I’ve been through, or maybe not, and be like my parents, thinking that all minds work the same.

 Update two. I never thought I’d keep coming back here to vent my feelings to strangers. It’s so funny how I barely talk to people in real life. But I’m really chatty here. Someone from work found my post and approached me directly, asking if it was me. I mean, the guy’s parents were at the anniversary and probably told him what happened.

So he realized it was me. We actually had a good laugh about this, and there was no awkward conversation. He said he’s on my side and that I should give my parents what they deserve. Also, I met up with my grandparents and decided to have a little chat with them. They’ve been staying at my uncle’s house because they’d planned to spend the winter here.

It gets very cold where they live, but our city stays moderately warm, even in winter. I will say I’m lucky my grandparents are so available now. I don’t know if I would have actually called them to tell them everything if they had been living far away. I have to thank God I didn’t have to take the initiative to talk to them.

 They’re good people and have been very loving to me. They’ve been more loving than either of my parents. So I went to see them and talked to them. They asked me why I had an outburst that day, why I was blaming my parents for having favorites. It’s not that they didn’t believe me; they just wanted me to explain what was going on.

 I told them everything, including many more details about all the things that had happened over the years, things they had missed because they lived in a different city. My grandparents didn’t like what they heard. In fact, they were furious when they heard it. My uncle and his wife were also present, and his wife ended up in tears when she found out what was happening.

 But they weren’t the ones who received the biggest shock of their lives. I also received very surprising news. I was informed that my parents never shared my diagnosis with the family. Everyone had been pressuring my parents to get me evaluated since I was a child. They noticed my behavior and thought I might be on the spectrum.

 My parents told them I’d already been evaluated, but that I had nothing wrong with it. They said I was just a difficult child and that I had issues with being rebellious and rude. It’s confirmed that they were always ashamed that I was different. My grandparents, especially, tried to follow up with my parents, but they shut down and told them not to force a diagnosis on me.

 This was all new to me. The worst part was that I had an aunt who was severely autistic and died before I was born. I’d seen her pictures and knew she’d died, but I didn’t know she was autistic or anything. In short, the conversation was pretty exhausting for everyone. We had a few more conversations about the topic, and they promised to confront my parents and tell them to go fuck themselves.

 I think there was more information needed, but I was getting too overwhelmed, so they suggested we meet another day and talk. Since my grandparents have a lot of experience dealing with someone on the spectrum, they were very careful about my needs and boundaries. I think it was the first time in my life I felt like someone in my family truly understood and cared about me.

 Even if they couldn’t get my parents to back off, I’m glad they promised to try to help me. I may have money and everything, but sometimes it’s hard to navigate life without someone to advise you. I don’t mind being alone or anything, but it’s nice to have people I can trust around. My grandparents will eventually leave, but my uncle and his wife will be here.

 At least I have that going for me. Nothing’s resolved yet, of course, but I’ve found something positive in my life. Update three. So, after meeting with my grandparents, they decided to confront my parents the next day. My uncle went with them too. I wasn’t present, but they gave me a rundown of what happened. My grandparents were extremely angry with my parents for what they did, and they said a few things to each other.

 My parents, in turn, defended themselves and said the problem was me, not them. There was a discussion about why my parents didn’t take my diagnosis seriously, thinking it would be pointless because I would likely become mentally disabled and dependent on them in the future. They were sure I would suffer the same fate as my aunt who died, and they simply didn’t want to deal with all that.

 Yes, they’re incredibly ignorant and haven’t even seemed to try to understand neurodivergence. They were afraid that if they delved deeper into my diagnosis, they’d realize I’d be completely dependent on them. Since they didn’t want me to be tied to them for the rest of my life, they chose to neglect me and ignore my diagnosis in the hopes that I’d start believing I was normal.

 I may be on the spectrum, but even I wasn’t unaware of this. They didn’t want me to be dependent on them, but they made my sister very dependent on them. Not only that, but now they want to depend on me. I’m speechless about all of this. Their plan was always to kick me out and paint me as a problem child so I’d leave them alone and keep my problems away from them.

 They had high expectations for their normal daughter, Chelsea, so they decided to invest in her and give her everything. Ironically, Chelsea ended up tied to them while I became independent and successful. My grandparents then asked why my coldness and detachment obviously bothered them, when that’s exactly what they’d always wanted from me.

Apparently, my mom and dad started saying they took care of me, that it wasn’t like they abandoned me or gave me up for adoption. Suddenly, they claimed they’d made a mistake with me and that since I was doing so well in life, it wouldn’t hurt to bring me back into their family.

 My grandparents couldn’t believe what they were hearing from them. I don’t know why they told them so openly. Maybe they thought they’d understand, that what they were doing was okay, that they had the right to love me less when they thought I was disabled, but when it was enough to make money, everything else would fall by the wayside. Of course, now my parents are angry with me because I told my grandparents everything, so I blocked them and my sister on my phone.

 Unfortunately, they’re contacting me from other numbers and are basically a nuisance. They’re not going to get me to respond, but I don’t know when they’ll stop, but I’ve had enough. It’s ruining my life and my peace of mind. I guess I’ll have to change my number or something because I’m fed up.

 My grandparents and uncles believe that what they’ve done and said warrants removing them from their lives. And as for my grandparents, they’ve said it’s time to talk to a lawyer so the will is updated to include my parents’ or my sister’s names. My sister hasn’t done much lately, but through omission or whatever, she’s also allowed this over the years, even on the day of the party. Update 4.

 Anyway, for all the well-wishers who have been genuinely concerned about me, I have good news to share. For those who think I’m a flawed person for being on the spectrum, I don’t know what you’re still reading this for. Some of you asked why I’m not friends with the guy whose parents were at the party, since our parents are friends.

 Well, he’s older than me, and I’m not very good at making friends, which I think is pretty obvious. That’s why we were basically strangers until we bumped into each other at work. Don’t worry, Eric and I are friends now. He told me his parents were really mad at mine when he told them, with my permission, that I’m on the spectrum. They took it to heart.

They started telling everyone in their circle how horrible my parents were. So now no one wants anything to do with them. They’ve been facing really harsh criticism for their actions, and of course, they blame me for it. My grandparents are still angry with them and have demanded that they apologize publicly if I allow it. I won’t allow it. I don’t want it.

But it doesn’t matter because my parents refuse to admit their mistakes. Chelsea, for her part, has gotten a little out of hand with her madness. She’s trying to spread fabricated stories about me online, but luckily people are reporting her posts, and since she uses my illness to attack me, they’re getting deleted pretty quickly.

 In fact, her account has been blocked or deleted entirely. I don’t know if it’s a temporary or permanent measure. I guess I was wrong about people and neurodivergence. It seems like quite a few people have become educated and aware. It’s just my bad luck that in my life I’ve mostly had to deal with ignorant people.

 It’s also crazy that there are so many neurodivergent people around me and I didn’t even know it. I blame the stigma because this is a small town with a lot of ignorant people. Luckily, I moved to the nearest city, where people are a little better off. Sadly, my town is only two hours away from my parents’ town, so the bullying never really stopped.

 They were furious when they found out they were being isolated and criticized by their friends. Also, when they saw I had blocked them, they tried to contact me from different numbers. After a while, I was so tired of them that I started considering changing my number. It would have been a hassle because my number is important for work.

 I discussed this with my uncle, and he recommended that I inform my parents and sister that I would sue them for harassment if they didn’t stop. I also planned to send a cease-and-desist letter if they didn’t. However, when I warned them about pressing charges, they suddenly changed their tune the next day. They left me a message begging me to speak to them one last time.

 I told them no, because I didn’t think they deserved any of that anyway, but my uncle has kept me up to date on what’s going on with my parents. Remember the debts they ran up for my sister? Yes, they’ve gotten out of hand. Chelsea, of course, won’t give them a cent, so they’ve been desperate to reconcile with me and ask me to pay for them. We already knew that.

 The only difference is that the interest on my sister’s side has spiraled out of control like a mutated creature. It’s more than double what they thought they had originally taken on as debt. Anyway, it seems they dug their own grave with that stupid plan. Now I refuse to speak to them, and my grandparents are going to disinherit them for their actions.

 My grandparents are extremely angry with my parents, but this was surprising. They later told me they were planning to leave me my parents’ and my sister’s shares to make up for what my parents never gave me. They thought it was unfair that I had to take out loans while my sister got two free degrees.

As for my parents, they’re in serious trouble now because no one is willing to help them. They, along with some of the commenters here, think it’s not their fault. The rest of the family, friends, and the vast majority of commenters here believe it’s 110% their fault. What do I think? That it’s not my debt, it’s my parents’ and my sister’s debt.

 I may be on the spectrum, but I’m not stupid enough to pay for something I’m not entitled to. Update five. I think we have a verdict on who was responsible for my parents’ problems. Not that I didn’t know, but it’s good that a judge put it in writing, so to speak. My sister’s debts, well, they belonged to my sister and my parents.

 Their signatures were all on the documents they signed. The only problem is that the vowed love for the golden daughter, for my sister, wanted to honor that debt, and my sister’s sense of entitlement wanted her parents, the ones who spoiled her all her life, to pay for it. Well, the judge has said her creditors want the money now.

 This is a little more complex than simple student debt. Both my parents and my sister had mortgages on their houses—my parents to pay for some bills, and my sister because she didn’t have the money to buy a house. But amidst all the debts, someone has finally decided it’s time to pay, and nothing beats a foreclosure on their property to hold them accountable.

 The worst part is that only covers the mortgages, but they still have a good chunk of student debt that will haunt them until the day they die. My autism will probably haunt me until the day I die, too, but I choose that over thousands of dollars I know I’ll never be able to pay off. M.