She said, “Let’s just be friends.” After two years together, I said, “Perfect.” Then I treated her exactly like I treat my other friends with boundaries. She discovered what just friends really meant when I started dating her best friend. Original post. I, 27, male, got the let’s just be friends speech from my girlfriend Tara, 26, 3 weeks ago.

 We’d been together for 2 years, lived together for one. I thought we were solid talking about future plans. her sister’s wedding next summer where I was supposed to be her plus one the whole thing. Then on a random Thursday evening, she sits me down. We need to talk. Me already knowing where this was heading. Okay.

 I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I think we should transition to being friends. Transition? Yeah. You know, we get along so well, have the same friend group, similar interests. We’d make amazing friends, but not amazing partners. Looking uncomfortable. It’s not like that. I just need to find myself, explore who I am outside of us.

 But I don’t want to lose you completely. Me? So, you want to break up, but keep me around. When you say it like that, it sounds bad. I just think we’re better as friends. We can still hang out, still be part of each other’s lives. Here’s what killed me. She said all this while already having packed a bag. Her friend Marissa was picking her up in an hour.

 She’d planned this whole thing out down to having somewhere to stay. You’ve already got an exit strategy. I knew you’d be upset. Marissa said I could crash with her while we figure out the living situation. The living situation? Well, yeah. We’ll need to sort out the apartment, but there’s no rush. We’re adults. We’re friends. We can make this work.

 I sat there for a minute processing. Two years living together, talking about kids someday now. She wants to be buddies. Okay. Surprised? Okay. Yeah, let’s be friends. You’re right. We should be able to make this work as adults. She actually smiled, relieved, like I just agreed to her perfect plan where she gets to dump me but keep all the benefits of having me in her life. Oh, thank God.

 I was so worried you’d hate me or make this difficult. See, this is why we’re perfect as friends. She left that night. Marissa picked her up, gave me this pitying look like I was some kicked puppy. I just waved. The next morning, I did exactly what Terra asked. I treated her like a friend. And that’s when I learned she had a very different definition of friendship than I did.

 First text came at 7:00 a.m. Tara, hey, hope you slept okay. Could you drop off my work laptop? I forgot it in the rush. me. Sure. I’ll leave it at the front desk of your office Monday. Can’t you bring it by Marissa’s? I need it for the weekend. I’ve got plans. Monday works better for me. Plans? What plans? Friends stuff. See didn’t like that.

 But what was she going to say? We’re just friends now. Friends don’t drop everything for each other. Saturday, she texted again. Hey, Marissa and I are going to that new brunch place. Want to come? Thanks, but I’m good. Have fun. Come on. We always do Saturday brunch. That was when we were dating. Enjoy your meal. 2 hours later. This is weird.

 Why are you being like this? Like what? Distant. Cold. I’m being friendly. Literally what you asked for. Update one. Week two of friendship and Tara was starting to crack. See, when she said, “Let’s be friends,” what she meant was, “Let’s keep everything exactly the same, minus the romance.” What I heard was, “Let’s have appropriate boundaries like I do with all my other friends.

” She showed up at the apartment on Tuesday while I was at work. Still had her key, helped herself to groceries, did some laundry, even took a shower, left me a note, borrowed some stuff. Hope that’s cool. I texted her. Me, “Hey, noticed you came by. I’ll need the key back when you get a chance.

” What? Why? My friends don’t have teas to my place, but I still have stuff there. We can arrange times for you to get your things just like friends do when they need to pick stuff up. This is ridiculous. We live together. We used to live together. Now we’re friends. Different relationship, different boundaries. She came by that evening furious. You changed the locks.

Need? No, just reed them. Gave notice. You no longer live here. Here’s a box of your immediate stuff. I can’t believe you’re being so petty. Petty? I’m treating you exactly like I treat my friends. None of them have teased to my place. But I’m not just any friend. According to you, that’s exactly what you are.

 The entitlement started showing. She expected to still be my emergency contact, still be on my Netflix, still have access to my Prime account. Nope. But the real kicker came that weekend. Our mutual friend group was having a game night. I showed up solo. She showed up with some dude named Connor. Tara loudly enough for everyone to hear, “This is Connor.

 We met at yoga.” Connor seemed nice enough, clearly brought us a prop to make me jealous. I shook his hand, welcomed him to game night, then proceeded to destroy everyone at Code Names while paying them zero special attention. Halfway through the night, Tara cornered me in the kitchen. Tara, you don’t even care that I’m here with someone else.

Me? Why would I? We’re friends. Friends date people. You’re not even a little jealous. Are you jealous when your other friends date people? That’s different. How? She couldn’t answer because there was no answer that didn’t admit she wanted me to pine for her while she found herself. But the best part, her besty Marissa had been extra friendly all night.

 Kept finding excuses to talk to me, laugh at my jokes, touch my arm. I wasn’t trying to make anything happen. Just being my normal self without Tara’s shadow. Next morning, Tara texts, Tara, what was that with you and Marissa? What was what? You know what the flirting? We were just talking. Friends talk.

 She’s my best friend. And I’m your friend, too, right? Friends can be friends with each other’s friends. Radio silence for 3 days. Then Thursday, she tried a new tactic. I think I made a mistake. About what? Us. Maybe we should talk. Sure. What’s up? In person over dinner, our place. You mean the Italian spot? I actually have plans, but we could grab coffee Saturday afternoon if you want to chat.

Plans with who? Does it matter? Friends don’t need to report their schedules to each other. Is it Marissa? Coffee Saturday or no? This isn’t how friends act. This is exactly how friends act. You’re thinking of how boyfriends act. Common mistake. Update two. 3 weeks in and Terra’s finding herself journey was not going as planned.

 Connor from yoga ghosted her after two dates. Turns out he wasn’t interested in being anyone’s rebound. Meanwhile, I was living my best life as a single dude with excellent boundaries. Then Marissa made her move. She texted me Thursday night. Hey, random, but I have an extra ticket to that comedy show. Saturday interested. Now, I need to be clear.

 I didn’t pursue Marissa. Didn’t even think of her that way until she started showing interest. But she was fun, attractive, and most importantly knew exactly what she wanted. No games, no transitions, no keeping me as a backup plan. Me: sure sounds fun. Marissa, great. Fair warning though. Terra’s being weird about us hanging out.

 Just wanted you to know. Noted. Still interested if you are. Definitely. pick me up at 7. Saturday came. I got dressed up, feeling good. Hadn’t been on a real date in 2 years. As I’m heading out, my phone explodes. Are you serious right now? About what? Marissa told me you’re taking her out. She invited me to a comedy show.

 You can’t date my best friend. Why not? We’re both single. Because it’s girl code. She can’t date my ex. I thought I was your friend, not your ex. You know what I mean? I really don’t. Friends don’t have dibs on who their friends can date. She called 17 times. I put my phone on silent. The date with Marissa was fantastic.

 She was actually hilarious. Something I’d never noticed when she was just Tara’s friend. We talked about everything except Tara. Well, until the end. Marissa, I should probably tell you Tara’s losing it. She called me crying saying I betrayed her. Me? How do you feel about that? Honestly, she’s been a pretty crappy friend lately.

 Everything’s about her journey and her growth. She literally told me last week that keeping you as a friend was her safety net in case she didn’t find someone better. She said that word for word. That’s actually what made me realize you deserved better and that maybe I wanted to shoot my shot. We kissed good night.

 Nothing more, just a sweet first date kiss. I posted nothing online, told no one, but somehow Tara knew. Sunday morning, 6:00 a.m. She’s pounding on my door. Open up. I know you’re in there. We through the door. It’s 6:00 a.m. Tyra. I don’t care. We need to talk now about what? You kissed her.

 My best friend me and I opened the door. She looked rough. Hair unwashed, eyes red, wearing the same clothes from Friday. You’re doing this to hurt me. me. I’m living my life. You’re the one who decided we shouldn’t be together. I said friends, not that you could date my friends. You said you needed to find yourself.

 I’m letting you while I move on with Marissa. She’s single. I’m single. We like each other. That’s how dating works. She tried to push past me into the apartment. I blocked her. You don’t live here anymore. I have things inside. Then schedule a time to get them like we discussed. You’re being cruel me. I’m maintaining boundaries.

 There’s a difference. That’s when the real entitlement showed. She started a campaign calling mutual friends, spinning stories about how I was revenge dating her best friend, how I was manipulating the situation to hurt her. Some friends bought it. Most didn’t. Our buddy Jake called me, “Bro, Terra saying you’re only dating Marissa to get back at her.” me.

 Did she mention she dumped me to find herself, but wanted to keep me around as a friend? She left that part out. Funny how that works. But Terra wasn’t done. She tried to sabotage my work. Called my office claiming to be my emergency contact, saying I was having a mental health crisis and needed time off. My boss called me in concerned.

Boss, your girlfriend called, said, “You’re struggling.” Me ex-girlfriend and I’m fine. She’s having a hard time with the breakup. She seemed very convinced you needed help. Me, I’ll handle it. Sorry she bothered you. Documented everything with HR. Started a paper trail just in case. Update three. A month after the let’s be friends conversation, Tara’s carefully constructed plan had completely backfired.

 Marissa and I were officially dating. Nothing serious yet, just enjoying each other’s company without the drama. Tara, on the other hand, was spiraling. She tried everything. First, she attempted to turn Marissa against me by sending her screenshots of our old conversations, love notes I’d written, intimate photos, clothed, but clearly couple photos.

 Marissa showed me everything. Marissa, she’s trying to make me jealous of your past relationship. Me: Is it working? No, it’s actually showing me how patient you were with her BS. Then Tara tried the nuclear option. She claimed she was pregnant. Got a text at 2:00 a.m. We need to talk. I’m late. Me late for what? You know what I mean? I’m pregnant. Congratulations.

 Who’s the father? Are you serious? You. Interesting. Considering we haven’t had sex in 2 months. It can take time to show up. And you’ve been with how many guys since then? Connor from yoga. The dude from the bar Marissa mentioned. I can’t believe you’re accusing me of lying. Me? I’m not accusing. I’m doing math.

 If you’re pregnant and think it might be mine, let’s handle this properly. Doctor’s appointment, paternity test when possible. Radio silence. Next day, she texts. False alarm. Got my period. Convenient. But the real meltdown came when she realized I’d been serious about dividing our shared life properly. See, when she left, she assumed I’d keep paying for everything while she found herself.

 the apartment, the utilities, the shared phone plan we’d gotten for the discount. Got a call from her mom. Her mom? What’s this about you cancing Tara’s phone? Me: I removed her from my plan. She needs to get her own. Her mom? But she can’t afford that right now. Then she should have thought about that before ending our relationship. You’re being petty.

After 2 years, I’m being practical. Friends don’t pay each other’s phone bills. Her mom, she made a mistake. She realizes that now. Then she learned a valuable lesson. The peak entitlement came when Tara found out Marissa and I were planning a weekend trip. The same beach town where Tara and I had gone for our anniversary last year.

 Terra sent a novel length text about how I was rewriting our memories and disrespecting what we had. How dare I take her best friend to our special place. Me? It’s a public beach. You don’t own it. You know what you’re doing. Yeah. Taking my girlfriend on a nice weekend trip. She’s not your girlfriend. She’s my friend. Was past tense.

 She dropped you after you tried to guilt trip her for being happy. That’s when Tara made her biggest mistake. She showed up at Marissa’s work, caused a scene. Security had to escort her out. Marissa’s boss was not amused. Marissa called me shaken. She’s lost it. Completely lost it. She screamed that I stole her life. Want to file a restraining order? I might have to. This is insane.

 Final update. The restraining order was the wakeup call Tara needed. Well, that and getting fired from her job for missing too many days while having her various meltdowns. Turns out finding yourself is hard when you’re also stalking your ex and his new girlfriend. Last I heard from mutual friends, she moved back in with her parents.

 She’s in therapy, courtmandated after the work incident. She’s blocked on everything by both Marissa and me. Connor from yoga is dating someone else and posts about it constantly. She works part-time at a bookstore now. Kulu, the entitlement never fully broke, though. She sent one last email before I blocked that, too. I hope you’re happy.

You got everything you wanted. You turned my best friend against me, made me look crazy, ruined my life, all because you couldn’t handle being just friends. I tried to let you down easy to keep you in my life because I cared about you. But you had to be vindictive. You had to win. Well, congratulations. You won.

 You and Marissa deserve each other. I didn’t respond. What was the point? In her mind, she’s still the victim of some elaborate revenge plot instead of someone facing the consequences of her own choices. the truth. I never planned any of this. When she said, “Let’s be friends,” I took her at her word. I treated her exactly like I treat my friends with boundaries, respect, and appropriate distance.

 The fact that she couldn’t handle that says everything about what she really wanted. She wanted me to pine, to beg, to wait around while she played the field. She wanted the emotional security of knowing I was there while she looked for something better. When I didn’t play that role, when I actually just treated her like a friend and moved on with my life, her whole plan collapsed.

 Marissa and I are still together. It’s been good, dramaree, honest, adult. We joke sometimes about the insane way we got together, but mostly we just enjoy each other. Turns out dating someone who knows what they want is refreshing. My advice, when someone says they want to be just friends after a serious relationship, believe them.

 Then actually treat them like a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Set boundaries, move on, live your life. Because here’s the thing, real friends want you to be happy. They don’t expect you to sit in limbo while they figure things out. They don’t feel entitled to boyfriend privileges with a friend label. Tara wanted all the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment.

 She wanted me to be her backup plan, her safety net, her emotional support while she explored other options. When I refused to play that role, when I took her at her word and treated her like just another friend, reality hit hard. The best part, I didn’t do anything vindictive. Didn’t seek out Marissa to hurt Tara. Didn’t blast her on social media.

 Didn’t try to turn people against her. I just lived my life. Set healthy boundaries. pursued someone who actually wanted to be with me. Terra’s downfall was entirely self-inflicted. She ended our relationship. She tried to keep me as a backup. She freaked out when I moved on. She harassed her best friend. She made scenes at work.

 She tried to manipulate everyone around her. All I did was exactly what she asked. I treated her like a friend. Turns out that was the crulest thing I could have done. Not because I meant it to be cruel, but because it forced her to face the reality of her choice. When you dump someone, but expect them to act like they’re still devoted to you, actual friendship feels like punishment.

 But it’s not. It’s just friendship. The thing she said she wanted. Funny how that works.